Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
