I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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