is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Let's get the cat blown out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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