Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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