I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
