It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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