Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
