no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
