Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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