Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
