I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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