Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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