Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
