I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
