Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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