I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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