And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
