Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
