The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He kissed a someone with a penis
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
