She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
