there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
