Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just tell him i said nine months
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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