after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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