so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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