Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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