I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
