im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
