I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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