I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
