Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
