I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
