on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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