there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
