You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
