grandma shit on top of the toilet
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
