I think i sorta joined a cult last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
