Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
