Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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