no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
