She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
