He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I would ride that face into the sunset
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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