i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
