That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
