my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
