I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
