In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My vagina just recognized that song.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
