He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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