Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
