Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
