I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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