I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
