Everything about him screamed your future.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
