I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
