I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
