My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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